I wanna steal my kids skills!!!

Posted on by Alvernon

Sounds a bit bogus right? Selfish? Downright wrong on all levels, huh? Well, let me explain a little bit. You know the old saying “…if I could go back in time with the knowledge I have now…?” Yeah, well I just took it a step further and wanna go back with a little something extra. (I’ll also explain how the kids will be ok as well, so just let me have my moment, ok….cool)!

Now, I can just imagine how dope I would be if I had started writing poetry and songs in 6,7,8th grade like my daughter. No doubt I’d be an accomplished artist by 30yrs old! What if I had the bone and muscle density my 9yr old son has right now when I went out for my high school football team sophomore year. I was good enough to start at wide receiver but weighing 135lbs had me shook and I quit right before we started practicing with pads on. The lil dude can bench press 50lbs already! And dont even get me started on the leadership qualities my other daughter has… If I put them all together, I’d be captain of a professional sports team and writing monologues to share in the meetings I’m holding while presiding over the screen actors guild, during the off season of course!!!

My wonderful wife feels me too and doesn’t even know it… until til she reads this!!! Lol… RIGHT NOW she’s whining because her back hurts (yes, I did give her a lengthy massage… thank you) and she fears she’s gonna really hate getting old. Not that she’s vain and cares about the beauty that “so call fades,” it’s her fear of the body being succeptable to ailments. I bet she wants to steal our son’s solid lil muscles right now too; or better yet our daughter’s dancer body; or our other daughter’s metabolism! Put it all together for her and she’d be Debbie Allen’s choreographer and a strength and health coach when she’s not a practicing chiropractor!!!

NOW, image how dope our kids would be if me and my wife had ALL their skills first and early enough in life to have time to develop them!!! We’re in a good place now, don’t get me wrong… but, how much further could we possibly be?

Moral of the story… sometimes it’s best to be selfish, to take time to nurture your gifts and talents! If I steal my kids skills, I can give back AND pay it forward at the same damn time!!!

E.N.T.

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Lent, leant, lint

Posted on by Alvernon

This Lent, I’ve decided to give up something not so tangible as social media as I’ve done in years past. I’m not giving up certain foods cuz I’m in the gym and I need my energy, protein, and necessary vitamins and minerals. And nope, I’m not giving up alcohol because frankly… I could use a drink as I write this right now. Don’t judge me either…hpmh!!! I AM GIVING UP PROCRASTINATION!!!

Yep, for far to long I leant on excuses as to why I haven’t taken the time to write. I lent my time to a host of other nonproductive things that cluttered my days like….lint! So, now, I’m committed to writing SOMETHING for at least 30-60mn everyday of Lent. Some will get posted, some wont… thanks for “Lent’ing” me your time.

E.N.T.

Hmmm

Posted on by Alvernon

This is a week late, but anywho… I wonder what would happen if I simply started to write. No direction, subject, aim, focus, target audience, or even a good spelling and grammar check… Wait, gotta get ready for work…be right back…………..

…………….Well that took hella long! I work outside and need to dress in layers which is a process I tell ya. It’s the coldest day (so far) of this winter season in the Chi… a brisk -4° to start the morning, warming to a balmy 7° this afternoon! And let’s not even get into the added windchill or the upcoming “colder” weekend. But, randomness aside, let’s get back to the first sentence. See, I haven’t blogged or written anything creative for that matter in (I cant believe it) a couple of years!!! WTF… Now, to my defense I did have a LOT of good shit happening in my life like getting married and starting a blended family (hardest thing I’ve ever done/doing in my life but I digress…for now, may be a good post for later), but still… 2 years yall, …RIDICULOUS!!! I have jotted some great ideas for posts, have some business ideas I need to put in motion but can never find the time to write. EXCUSES, BRO….EXCUSES!!! So, this post was simply to …try to write my way, out of my way, so I can write the way I really want to write!!! Yep, that’s it, that’s all… Peace yall, see ya (in print) soon. OH, and as always…

E.N.T

Guess Who’s BZZZ-ack?

Posted on by Alvernon

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Last week, on a routine stop to deliver material I was greeted by a very inquisitive bee. As I pulled my pallet off my truck, he buzzed up to me to say “Hi!!!” I figured it had to be a formal greeting because he felt the need to look me right in the eye to do so. I politely waved hello back to him and kept working. After dropping the pallet off in the garage and returning back to the truck for the second, he was still buzzing around. He must have been quite interested in the material I was delivering, because this time he decided to drop in the 4×2 box to analyze it’s contents. No problem, I’m sure he could have been a little tired from all that flying around so I took him for a little ride. Thinking he was still in the box I placed next to the first pallet, I returned to the truck ready to drive a few feet into the yard where I needed to deliver some outside material. He obviously flew out the box at some point and decided to hang around the truck. Perhaps wanting to give me a hand with my work, he AGAIN buzzed up to greet me. Feeling a bit uneasy at his aggressive re-introduction, I did a slow jog…….OK, I ran back to the truck and got in, rolled the windows up, and proceeded into the yard……20+ feet away! Whew, he should be going about his business now, right? I mean, really who wants to follow a noisy, diesel fueled behemoth? If he had thumbs, he say “THIS GUUUUYYYY,” because there he was again…buzzing, greeting, and nosey as hell…

Insert nerdy fact checks here: Bees are attracted to bright colors and sweet smells. They think both are wonderful flowers ripe for pollination. You see beekeepers wearing all white because it’s the one color that does confuse them. Even dark colors are no deterrent for them, because they think they are predators and will act a bit more cautious or aggressive. They will then find their way to soft tissue spots like the neck and eyes where they can do the most harm. Smart little guys, huh?

Well, I was wearing a grey shirt and surely smelled like sweat and the muggy outside air so it couldn’t have been my scent. My truck is all white and had no movement to suggest it wanted to keep him. And the sweet smells from the grocery store adjacent to the garage was about 50 yards away! So, why did this little fellow feel the need to buzz around me for a half an hour? …..It surely felt that long!!!

I suppose Mr. Busy Bee has seen me there everyday and wants to get to know me…..or sting me in the eye but I digress. What a day, and I’ll return around the same time the next. When I did, I couldn’t help but wonder what he’s up to now.

Damn………Guess Who’s BZZZ-ack???

E.N.T.

Writers Muscles

Posted on by Alvernon

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I want to be a writer. That’s too easy or general… I really love writing, especially when/if I write something that makes me laugh, think, or feel. Yes, I’m quite self entertained like that. So, like any other profession, skill, or craft you need some sort of schooling right? Well, I’ve seen some awesome, then misleading, then back to awesome information and advice on how to become a writer. I’ll come back to that in a second. First I want to share a gym story to help put things in perspective.

I’ve been working out fairly consistently for about 2yrs now and I’ve seen some pretty good results. However, when others see and acknowledge my gains the results are felt on a much deeper level. I never felt I needed a trainer to get the body I wanted, but I’m quick to ask a muscle head dude in the gym…”aye fam, what muscles are you working with that set you just did?” Perhaps they too feel great about their gains being acknowledged, because they are ALWAYS happy to give me an answer with “how to” instructions, motivational jargon, and even a diet to ensure I get the most out of this workout! I’ve sought-after advice from “extra swoll” dudes…”skinny cut dudes,” or “nutrition shirt wearing cats,” etc. and I take what advice I like, and discard the rest. Out of these 2yrs of gym data gathering, I just recently heard the best and only true advice there is, even though I had already seen a YouTube video I knew was the end all, be all of gym advice. And that is… You have to find out what your muscle fiber type is, first and foremost! You may have muscle fibers that require heavy weight with low reps to develop. Or, you may be like me…lighter weight, with lots of reps really give you a good workout. In all, what works for you, may not work for me.

Now, back to this “becoming a writer” advice… Just write: OK great, I agree! You HAVE to read…a lot: Eh, I sort of agree! Fuck a critic: Yes, but I do have feelings so that’s a work in progress! A writer has no rules, do it your own way: Absolute truth resonating with me! I found my own way in the gym, just like I found my way through all that writing advice. Some was good, some was bad…but all was me deciphering through it to find my muscle fiber type… right down to the muscles in my writing hand!!!

E.N.T.

Old is the new young…

Posted on by Alvernon

This past weekend I realized just how old/young I am. It’s ironic that my last name is Newman, because this man was introduced to something new…a silent party! Perhaps you’ve heard of this awesome and creative alternative to noisy, neighbor bashes, but if not… here’s the scoop! There were 3 dj’s spinning a different genre of music on separate channels that can only be heard in headphones. That’s right…everyone in the spot had on headphones!!! The coolest part is that they had neon lights on them indicating which dj they were listening to! The nerd in me wanted to explore the equipment and follow the wires to the respective output channels on the amps, but I digress!!!

Ok, …so the overwhelming majority of patrons were clearly under…let’s say early 30’s on the high end. I calculated, mmmm, about 6 ppl in their 40’s and that’s including my girlfriend and I!!! One dj was spinning house and reggae music. The second dj was spinning old school hip-hop, and the fourth…new school/top 40 hits. All three were very good and having been raised by dj’s, I’m a pretty tough critic. With that said…. YOOOO, I DANCED LIKE NO ONE WAS WATCHING!!! I mean, I had “canned heat in my heels,” (i.e. Jamiroquai), “all eyes on me,” (i.e. Tupac), and “you can’t tell me nothin” (i.e. Kanye)!!! Old school hip hop…yep, I knew all the words to the songs! House/reggae… yep, gyrating and jacking…done! New school/top 40…I know the lingo and dances too… This 41 yr old man didn’t look too old for the new music, couldn’t be that young and know old school hip-hop like that, and libido was clearly healthy enough for the rigors of reggae and house! Now if only I can figure out how all that worked electronically????

Welp, I guess I did just show the nerd in me, huh….

E.N.T.

Useless People

Posted on by Alvernon

So, I have an idea of a book I think I want to write eventually. No, I’m not going to spill any beans on my brainchild, but those thoughts got me thinking on a slightly different tangent….well, that and Rhianna’s “You Needed Me” blaring out my speakers. True to its title, the song is about how RiRi is this bad chic who uses her prowess to get this guy in bed…usually when she’s intoxicated and feeling all “randy!!!” Unfortunately for this fortunate guy who had the chance(s) to shag the songstress, he fell in love (I suppose) and grew to really need her while she was simply using him for a “faded f*ck” as she puts it. So I got to thinking…was he really useless? Is anyone really useless….even the ones being used?

People use people all the time, since the beginning of time in fact. Eve used Adam; it seems like women are still paying for that one judging the way us men use them as sex objects! Governments use people as pawns, property, and targets; companies and bosses use people to gain personal wealth; professional sports team owners use athletes as property, marketing tools, and merchandise advertisers; the strong uses the weak; the intellectuals use the ignorant ones…and the list goes on and on!

With so much using going on, the lines can get blurred between who really needs who. It’s so commonplace… what would users do without people to use? So, next time you feel used….reverse that shit and ride off singing like RiRi….”Yoouuu NEEEeeeEEEeeeEEEeeeEEEed Me!!!”

E.N.T.

Motivational

Posted on by Alvernon

Do you ever feel like you have to motivate yourself to get motivated! I know it sounds redundant, lazy, and all kinds of “extra” but, again bare with me for a sec as my nerdy mind works. I bet you have a hobby, secret talent, or passion for something whether big or small that you’d like to spend time nurishing, right? My favorite saying/excuse/reason for not doing something I want to do is “life just gets in the way!!!” Who can argue with that…especially if you have kids? Then you hear or see some story about some over achieving ass person that makes you feel like you haven’t done shit with your life in years and you go…”i gotta get motivated!!!” Ok, where do I start…

First, I need a plan! I’m going to create a schedule in my life so life won’t get in my way this time. I’m going to do such and such, on such and such days, for such and such hrs! My goal is such and such, and I should reach it by such and such time! Boom, put this on the fridge, mirror in the bathroom, calendar in phone w/alarm, work computer, and dashboard in car…now my motivation tactics are engaged!!!

Now that you have everything in place to get motivated…all the reminders and nuggets of positive energy abound…LET’S GET AFTER IT!!!!!

……….Tomorrow!!!

…damn!!!

E.N.T.

Ego Trippin

Posted on by Alvernon

They say you can be whoever you want to be and do whatever you set your mind to, but can you? Can we? Better yet…do you or I even really want that for ourselves and others. I say yes and no and as much of a contradiction that may seem, it’s the only true answer to any of the previously stated questions. I’ll try proving my point but I HAVE to do a disclaimer first cuz I’m about to let you in on some private thoughts and I don’t need you all judging me or looking at me differently, dammit! Let my history, track record, and consistency be your reminder that I’m the same dude I was before you read this shit… I’m merely using my unfiltered, inside voice! Ok…leggo!!!

My alter ego is a bad muthafukka… His first name is more commonly a last name like Wade or Lynch or some shit. And he has a last name that consists of two badass words like Armstrong or Blackwell… Wade Blackwell…yeah, I like the sound of that!!! This dude is about 6’3, 225… looks like a wide receiver, handsome, but not overly good looking and pretty! He just read that the newly appointed president of the NRA said it won’t be long until white ppl are able to own black ppl again and it’s their God given right to do so. His reaction is that he hopes that guy gets shot in the face by the very rifle he’s such an advocate of. Although Wade is a spiritual guy, he takes pleasure in the stories in the bible when God wreaks havoc on sinners, just as much as he does when God blesses the kind at heart. This makes him a very contradictory man but he doesn’t give one solitary fuck about it. He says whatever he feels when he feels it and may give you an explanation, but he won’t spend any energy trying to defend it. Wade is creative and talented as hell. He plays the guitar, piano and drums, can sing, rap, dance and act. He’s Great at any sport, super intellengent and articulate even when drinking tons of whiskey (with Dos Equis of course…lol)and smoking squares, cigars, cloves, weed or whatever he wants. He wants a girlfriend when he wants a girlfriend, and when he doesn’t want one, he wants a girl that understands that! He makes a LOT of money, but no one can understand his job functions. He speaks several languages and dresses like he’s from the hood, but you would never consider it thuggish. He has lots of tattoos that all have some deep ass meaning to them and his stories all sound like novels… coincidently he’s in the process of writing one. I could say more, but I’ll just get to proving my point.

A guy like Wade Blackwell would stay in drama and controversy so Alvernon filters all aspects of this dude. I’m all of these things but none of them. My Dad resembled a lot of those characteristics, but my Mom is the complete opposite…yet they attracted, had two kids, and a fairly successful marriage before the drugs and alcohol took their toll. So, can I be whoever I want…yes because it’s in me and I just did it in the form of this writing. But, no…I cannot because I’m so much like my mom Wade Blackwell will never take the physical form. But wait, text is indeed a physical thing…. What a contradiction, right!!!???

E.N.T.

I “Ran” Into Huckleberry!!!

Posted on by Alvernon

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[Image credit: http://www.quickmeme.com]

Ok my people, stay with me for a second as I break this down! This may not even be nerdy (aside from my mind working a bit different than most, perhaps), but it definitely deserves a post! I’m sure we can agree that there’s a certain amount of respect you have to give a person for standing on their convictions. But, allow me to apply a little pressure to that theory…

Light pressure: Ok, it’s been a several months since I’ve posted….UGHH!!! Most times life just gets in the way…I got tons of shit to do! If you read “The Duality of Al” (insert shameless plug…GO READ THAT AFTER THIS…) you already know Alvernon is quite anal. So, I try to stick to the “nerdy” theme WAAAY too much. But, this is MY BLOG and I can write whatever I want!!! 🙂 i.e. My ipod is better than yours!!! My sock drawer is military organized!!! I think the Popeye’s chicken spokeswoman is HOTT!!! 😉 Although you have to respect a man for standing up for his convictions, it can strangle the writer in me. Clearly I have more topics I could touch on, but I’m trying (albeit very slowly and half assed) to build a brand here! …happy medium search…engage…

Hard pressure: Several months ago again, my girlfriend and I ran the Night Nation Run to stand up for cancer research. It was my first 5k run and I was amazed by the amount of ppl who were running, involved in planning, and/or just being there to party. The affects of cancer was very personal for almost everyone out there…. except for Huckleberry!!!

Runners take your mark! Us against cancer right? We’re over a thousand strong, so cancer goes (at least in my mind) “What, nobody wants to play for blood???”

And I swear…as we’re awaiting the sound off to start… this guy lights up, smokes his entire cigarette, and didn’t give one, single, solitary, fuck who had a problem with it!!! I was appalled at the disrespect to those who lost a loved one to cancer, but still had some respect at the balls it took to look death in its eye and say….I’ll be your Huckleberry!!!

E.N.T.