Month: January 2016

Straight-Legging My Sleeves…

Posted on by Alvernon

One of my favorite lines by 2Pac is “…and they say how do you survive weighing 165 in the city where the skinny ni**az die?…” (taken from Straight Ballin). The bars are so synonymous  to his life as a poet/thug/activist/performer, and to my life growing up on the south side of the Chi. Nooo, I’m no thug and I don’t live a life as he did but, I do at least weigh 165lbs! So, yeah…I did/do feel the need to get in and stay in the gym to at least be kind of strong for a dude weighing 165lbs! I set some immediate goals to be able to bench press 225lbs and have my biceps big enough that the sleeves of my shirts would fit nice and snug. (Pause for a feeling myself moment…) Ok, so first goal to press 225lbs is met and now I want to be able to rep it 3-4 times. Perhaps I’ll want more after I’m able to do that, but I certainly don’t want to be all, super buffed!!! You know…like when you’re so big and resting your arms at the side,  your palms face your back instead of your thighs!!!??? Lol!!! But, this sleeve situation has brought me a little less satisfaction! I was watching The Big Bang Theory one day and AGAIN realized how Sheldon’s sleeves on his super hero t-shirts were always so snug. I love funny and witty t-shirts because they speak to the nerd in me. But, all the same…the Chi-town 2pac in me wants to look “strong for my size sexy” in them! IJS… However, I often find these types of shirts have sleeves that do nothing to high-light my “225lb bench pressing, now only sorta-skinny” frame! I’m convinced that Sheldon’s sleeves are tailor made to fit him so, am I terribly wrong for possibly tailoring my sleeves? Back in the 80’s, we used to sew a seam down the inner pants leg from calf height down to make our pants fit snug around the ankle. It made your track Nike’s look fresh, right!!!??? So, if this gym thing doesn’t pan out…I might…I just might be …straight-leggin my sleeves!

E.N.T.

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We Only Serve Coffee Here!

Posted on by Alvernon

One autumn afternoon, just as the sun was about to set, a blind man in his mid forties decided to take a walk through some neighboring blocks. He was revered in the area for being able to navigate the streets with relative ease, though every so often he was helped across intersections. He was always pleasant to talk to if even for that brief minute because he was quite hip for his age. After being passed along to a block he wasn’t familiar with, he heard some good urban music blaring from an establishment and decided to check it out. A kind voice greeted him with “hello, sir…can I get you something hot and steamy?” He chuckled and said “sure sweetie, whatchya got?” She says “well, we’ve got French Vanilla, Caramel Macchiato, straight Black…I mean, it’ll be easier if you tell me what you like!” Perhaps it was the soft, sweet, tone of her voice that put him at ease but, he was certainly now very relaxed and comfortable in this setting! He still seemed a bit indecisive, though. So, the woman says, “ok sir, how’s about you take a seat here and someone will be over to serve you soon?” He agrees and as he takes a seat grooving to Nelly’s “Hot In Here,” another equally sexy voice sits down at the table with him. “Ok, sir… so let me read the list of your options. We have a “Mexican Chocolate, a Natural Bliss, something Extra Sweet and Creamy, some Girl Scout Thin Mints, Caramel and Coconut, and even a Snickerdoodle,” if you’re into that sort of flavor. He says he cant hear her clearly over the music and asks her to sit closer to reread the list. He then begins to scoot closer to her, feeling for her arms and hands and complimented her on the softness of her fingers. Whispering something in her ear that obviously and greatly angered her… she abruptly stands up, slaps the shit out of him and says…. “Excuse me Mr., but this is not a strip club!!! ……We Only Serve Coffee Here!!!”

E.N.T.

So Supple…

Posted on by Alvernon

“Some say I have a dirty mind, sometimes that may be true, but these are just some dirty times…I aint trippin on you…!!!” ( Too Short… “I aint Trippin”) Oh, but I am…as well as trippin on myself so please don’t be offended. After reading the title and that first line, you’re probably thinking this post is about to be something intimate or freaky in nature so lets go there! When I hear the word “supple,” I’m picturing a scene where two lovers are alone in a dimly lit room with soft music playing in the background. She grabs his “wrists” and pulls him in closer. Gently moving her “hands” to his “elbows,” she guides his “arms” to hold her around her ” waist.” He does so with an aggressive yet gentle embrace  controlling her “spine!” Her “neck” tilts back at the pleasure of his hold awaiting his next move. Leaving his left “arm” around her “waist,” he moves his right “hand” to her “jaw” and gives her face a gentle caress while staring into her eyes. As they exhale, their “torsos” connect and that first kiss finally happens. Their “knees” get weaker by the second and sensations can even be felt in their “toes!” Now, I’m willing to bet you think the word “supple” is befitting in that little scene somewhere, but it’s really not. After the nerd in me just had to look up the definition… I realized society has made me use the word oh so incorrectly. Supple simply means “readily bent, folded or manipulated…moving with agility,” if you will! Every word put in quotations is simply a body part that is indeed supple….and not the actual feel of something! So, to quote the sentence from my dictionary app… “The supple ambiguities of English are a large part of its genius!!!”

E.N.T.