Should I tell you guys what I’m thinking right now? How would you look at me if I do? Will you think I’m crazy? Will you think I’m a genius? Will you think I’m a bad person…a good person? How often do you go through questions similar to these with yourself over the simplest of decisions or scenarios? How long does that take you when the scenario is complex?

I do this so often and so thorough that it turns into outright conversations with people all in my head. I guess you could say I’m testing the waters; weighing the pros and cons; loading my responses for rapid fire, witty/sarcastic, indisputable bullets straight to your dome! Because, be honest.. no one wants to say a thought out loud and Lord forbid no one agrees with it. Now you have to defend, explain it, or at least try to get people to understand where it originated from.

Now, when it’s a good thought… oh we can’t wait to say those out loud right? It’s going to make us look like good people, smart people, caring people… you know, people who NEEVER have negative thoughts, right!!!??? Riiiighhttt!!!

Oooohhh, your good and bad conscience… Is that simply a conversation with God or the devil? I saw this video from hip hop legend KRS where he broke down metaphysics to some degree. In short, it’s the branch of philosophy that concerns the existence and nature of things that exist! He instructed a room of people to say something to themselves silently. Then he asked them… what was that voice? You heard it, you said it, but no one else did. But, it existed right? That’s your true self, what we see is just the flesh covering of your thoughts!

Your thoughts are not only yours, they are YOU!!! Own them, use them, nurture them, play with them, allow them to roam freely in your head where they are safe. And while you’re at it…

Embrace Nerdy Things

…Just a thought

One day… scratch that, every damn day this guy named Situation appears! Nooo, not that guy from Jersey Shore… but that’s his name nevertheless! Situation is everywhere, all the time, and knows everybody. He’s into politics, religion, relationships, friendships, business…all that. He can be very good to people, extremely bad for people, and quite complicated to people all at the same time or even separately. Whatever the case, Situation ALWAYS runs into Would’ve, Could’ve, and Should’ve! I can’t tell if either of them are male or female because they keep exhibiting the traits of both sexes far too often and with the complexities of genders these days, its safer not assume anything! But, for the flow of MY DAMN STORY… Would’ve, and Should’ve are men and Could’ve is female. Ok, so in my opinion, Would’ve always comes off a bit arrogant and the “know it all type!” They’re always telling Situation how they’d deal with him and even try to make him feel wrong if he doesn’t agree. Then there’s Should’ve who seems like the bossy type. The only problem is; he often has so many regrets it’s hard for Situation to trust anything the guy says. And finally, there’s Could’ve! Bless her heart!!! She usually means well even when Situation doesn’t understand her. She’s been told she has a right to change her mind and perhaps its because she can be more emotionally in tuned than most. Situation is constantly bombarded by these three and has finally had enough. He has listened intuitively to them three and always has good dialogue and conversations with them. However, they always end up going nowhere and never really helping Situation out. So, finally Situation says…. FUCK ALL THREE OF YALL!!! Only God can judge me!!!

E.N.T.

Latasha’s alarm goes off at 6am for work on Saturday mornings and she usually hits snooze a few times with the same angst that immediately follows. She bellows in silence: I didn’t get enough sleep! The kids stayed up too late! What’s for breakfast? My God, I need more financial help from my kids father! As she finally silences the alarm, she realizes she has several missed calls and a text from her babysitter Talyiah who was called in to work and couldn’t sit for her this weekend. LaTasha’s day was off to an even rougher start to say the least! She was a single mother of 2 young children and in spite of many odds against her, she was doing ok for herself. She worked as a masseuse in an upscale spa in Yorkville, which generally served the uppity clients of its neighboring towns. Luckily her sister lived close by and though they had been feuding a bit lately, she agreed to watch her kids while she went to work. After dropping them off and grabbing her Grande dark roast coffee from Starbucks, she relishes the peace of the 30mn car ride to work. She is not, however looking forward to again pampering the likes of the spa’s usual clients. They were often rude, condescending, impatient and LaTasha was in no mood to put on a smiling face to appease them this morning. Reluctantly, she pressed on and walked in with a cheerful “Good Morning everyone!!!” Her coworkers were sweet and they all got along well. Most of it was because of their mutual dislike for Angela the owner and operator of the spa. The coworkers gleefully return the “good morning,” but all Angela said was “Hey LaTasha…Contessa had a family emergency and wont make it in so you have to cover her 10 o’clk appointment. Oh no, is everything alright, Latasha replied in a concerned tone? Sort of, Angela replied unbothered. Her dad has contracted the covid virus and needs meds and supplies, but otherwise he’s doing alright. LaTasha had met Contessa’s dad Warren, on several occasions and had grown quite fond of him. Though he was a fairly big guy in stature, she likened him to a cuddly teddy bear and wished him well. Then she asked Angela who was scheduled and she replied… Mrs. Kingsley! Ugh, not her LaTasha thought! She’s the epitome of the uppity clients who favored the spa. In her mind, Mrs. Kingsley’s attitude didn’t match her beautiful face and she’s clearly stressed since she comes in so often. As 10 o’clk approaches, LaTasha’s anxiety grows with each passing minute and the thought of her upcoming appointment. “Welcome back Mrs. Kingsley, Angela greeted her as her favorite client walks in. Hey Angela… how are you, how’s business as they exchange pleasantries? We’re doing well, but definitely worried about this growing virus and wondering if and will the government force us to shut down. We’ve already had a girl call off because her dad has contracted it, so LaTasha will be giving you your massage this morning. Oh wow, Mrs. Kingsley replied! Well I certainly hope all works out for you guys. Thanks hon, said Angela. Have a seat and I’ll go check if LaTasha is ready for you. Angela returns and escorts Mrs. Kingsley to her room where LaTasha has everything prepared for her. Hello Mrs. Kingsley, is there any place I need to give extra attention to, LaTasha asked? Mrs. Kingsley replied in typical condescending fashion; I signed up for the full body package…I’m feeling a bit stressed. No problem Mrs. Kingsley, we’ll work those kinks right out. As LaTasha starts her massage she wonders how can a woman this pretty be so worked up. She starts on her shoulders and feel knots and tension in both. Her back was smooth but cracked at almost every section she pressed on. Mrs. Kingsley surprisingly apologizes for the work she needs and even begins to open up a bit on why she’s so stressed. She tells LaTasha her husband has left her and the kids and she now has a mortgage she cant afford. Her job is threatening layoffs and she and her sister weren’t on speaking terms at the moment. As LaTasha gets to Mrs. Kingsley’s feet, she noticed she hadn’t had a pedicure in quite some time. She then begins to see Mrs. Kingsley in a totally different light. Ironically, her story read like the footnotes of her own life.

E.N.T.