…Shit, I wish it WAS a genie so I could blink myself away from all the madness of the world today! Needless to say… I’m feeling “some kind of way” and its starting to manifest in my daily routines and life in general. For instance, I had quite an interesting dream last night.
Part one: I’m somewhere chilling with a few friends in a den/living room type of area and there just happens to be a tiger lurking around like its someone’s pet! No bullshit!!! And I’m the only one paying attention to it like, YO…you guys are ok with this!!!??? Perhaps the tiger too felt my curiosity to it roaming around so freely because it was looking at me from time to time with the same apprehension. As it paced back and forth, we would make eye contact and our tension grew with every connection. I guess he had enough of the guessing game and decided to go full “tiger” on me and chomped down on my entire hand!!!
Part two: Now I’m in a corridor with a man walking two dogs close by. One was a German Shepard and the other was a Doberman Pincher. For some reason, I felt in danger of this man letting his dogs loose on me, so I made my way around the corner trying to get out of eyesight of him and his “pets!” As I turn the corner, the Doberman was let loose, followed me, and jumped on me in a playful manner…or was it playful? His teeth were exposed, but I wasn’t sure if it was playful or aggressive. In my utter bravery, I stoop down to look it at eye level and kept staring at it until it became friendly and let me pet him. We were now friends, but the German Shepard was still under its owner’s control and I certainly didn’t feel so safe again. This same man/owner then has a young teenage son in tow along with the two dogs. However, his son is now the aggressor! He was teaching him to “defend” himself and was taking pride in all he had learned at the present time. I could tell he was pleased at how the son felt the need to punch me in the chest in the exact technique he was taught. The punch didn’t phase me one bit and after I let the kid know, I even invited him to punch me once more! I’m all solid lil homey and your punches…although swung with great technique, have no effect on me. The father looks at the son with a nod of approval and the little guy then slaps me!!! I look at the father and tell him, you’re lucky you have these dogs close by because otherwise I’d beat the shit out of your son right now!!!
Analysis: I. Will. Not. Be. Silent. Nor Silenced!!! The tiger bit my hand off….but, it was the left hand! I’m right-handed and as long as I can write and have breath in my lungs, I will not be afraid to speak up for injustices! I have some friends who would rather stay neutral in the face of danger, but I’ll take the calculated risks for freedom of speech. I’m willing to be friends with the enemy if we can see eye to eye on our differences! I can tell the difference between friend or foe, no matter who is the owner of your true self! The sins of your forefathers can and will revisit you if you’re not careful! And if you teach hate, those sins can have repercussions on your loved ones if they don’t catch up to you personally!!! And in the eloquent words of Maya Angelou… Still I Rise!!!
Embrace NEGRO Things
There’s a large, lone tree in the magic Forest of Lessons. It’s the turn of the season and leaves still have yet to form on its towering limbs. The trunk looks as though it’s not strong enough to feed and hold up the branches and the grass surrounding it was dying. However, it had a personality that totally contradicts its appearance. It was arrogant, pompous, and quite full of itself to say the least. It had seen better days of positioning and status, but now its fighting to simply stay relevant. One day, a young deer and a doe strolled along and rested under this tree. They would frolic about, eat, and mate in the surrounding area of this tree. They were young and full of promise with boundless energy to bring all their wants and needs to fruition. The arrogant tree would watch them as they grew into a loving pair and admired their camaraderie. There was one problem though! After long days of playing and eating and running around, they would eventually have to relieve themselves and it was often around the base of the tree’s trunk. Enough is enough… How dare you, said the tree! Don’t you know you’re on rich soil!!!??? This is no place to do your business. The deer replied with laughter saying “what’s so rich about this yellowish grass and dry dirt you call soil?” The tree said, you’d show more respect for me if you had seen me in my heyday! Well old timer the deer said, perhaps your time has passed and you can now only hold on to the memories of yesterday’s lore!
Aaaaannndddd, that’s all I got for that story but here’s a shorter story about how that story came about. I’m taking this master class on the art of storytelling by Neil Gaiman and he said that a story is born simply by taking two entities and put them in conflict with each other! It can be make believe/fairytale, magical, real, or anything your imagination dreams of. Well, one day while driving my work truck on a early spring day I notice a tree that had yet to form any leaves yet. And one section of the limbs looked like the antlers of a huge deer! Hmmm, now how can I bring this vision into conflict to form a story? Welp, the above story was SUPPOSED to be a clash between a dying money tree and a deer that was mating with a doe. While in mating season, they would often shit by the tree, therefore providing much needed fertilization for the arrogant money tree; and thus… they all were “Making a Buck!” And the moral of the story was: Sometimes the very people who shit on you, subsequently help you make a better version of yourself!
Should I tell you guys what I’m thinking right now? How would you look at me if I do? Will you think I’m crazy? Will you think I’m a genius? Will you think I’m a bad person…a good person? How often do you go through questions similar to these with yourself over the simplest of decisions or scenarios? How long does that take you when the scenario is complex?
I do this so often and so thorough that it turns into outright conversations with people all in my head. I guess you could say I’m testing the waters; weighing the pros and cons; loading my responses for rapid fire, witty/sarcastic, indisputable bullets straight to your dome! Because, be honest.. no one wants to say a thought out loud and Lord forbid no one agrees with it. Now you have to defend, explain it, or at least try to get people to understand where it originated from.
Now, when it’s a good thought… oh we can’t wait to say those out loud right? It’s going to make us look like good people, smart people, caring people… you know, people who NEEVER have negative thoughts, right!!!??? Riiiighhttt!!!
Oooohhh, your good and bad conscience… Is that simply a conversation with God or the devil? I saw this video from hip hop legend KRS where he broke down metaphysics to some degree. In short, it’s the branch of philosophy that concerns the existence and nature of things that exist! He instructed a room of people to say something to themselves silently. Then he asked them… what was that voice? You heard it, you said it, but no one else did. But, it existed right? That’s your true self, what we see is just the flesh covering of your thoughts!
Your thoughts are not only yours, they are YOU!!! Own them, use them, nurture them, play with them, allow them to roam freely in your head where they are safe. And while you’re at it…
Embrace Nerdy Things
…Just a thought
One day… scratch that, every damn day this guy named Situation appears! Nooo, not that guy from Jersey Shore… but that’s his name nevertheless! Situation is everywhere, all the time, and knows everybody. He’s into politics, religion, relationships, friendships, business…all that. He can be very good to people, extremely bad for people, and quite complicated to people all at the same time or even separately. Whatever the case, Situation ALWAYS runs into Would’ve, Could’ve, and Should’ve! I can’t tell if either of them are male or female because they keep exhibiting the traits of both sexes far too often and with the complexities of genders these days, its safer not assume anything! But, for the flow of MY DAMN STORY… Would’ve, and Should’ve are men and Could’ve is female. Ok, so in my opinion, Would’ve always comes off a bit arrogant and the “know it all type!” They’re always telling Situation how they’d deal with him and even try to make him feel wrong if he doesn’t agree. Then there’s Should’ve who seems like the bossy type. The only problem is; he often has so many regrets it’s hard for Situation to trust anything the guy says. And finally, there’s Could’ve! Bless her heart!!! She usually means well even when Situation doesn’t understand her. She’s been told she has a right to change her mind and perhaps its because she can be more emotionally in tuned than most. Situation is constantly bombarded by these three and has finally had enough. He has listened intuitively to them three and always has good dialogue and conversations with them. However, they always end up going nowhere and never really helping Situation out. So, finally Situation says…. FUCK ALL THREE OF YALL!!! Only God can judge me!!!
Latasha’s alarm goes off at 6am for work on Saturday mornings and she usually hits snooze a few times with the same angst that immediately follows. She bellows in silence: I didn’t get enough sleep! The kids stayed up too late! What’s for breakfast? My God, I need more financial help from my kids father! As she finally silences the alarm, she realizes she has several missed calls and a text from her babysitter Talyiah who was called in to work and couldn’t sit for her this weekend. LaTasha’s day was off to an even rougher start to say the least! She was a single mother of 2 young children and in spite of many odds against her, she was doing ok for herself. She worked as a masseuse in an upscale spa in Yorkville, which generally served the uppity clients of its neighboring towns. Luckily her sister lived close by and though they had been feuding a bit lately, she agreed to watch her kids while she went to work. After dropping them off and grabbing her Grande dark roast coffee from Starbucks, she relishes the peace of the 30mn car ride to work. She is not, however looking forward to again pampering the likes of the spa’s usual clients. They were often rude, condescending, impatient and LaTasha was in no mood to put on a smiling face to appease them this morning. Reluctantly, she pressed on and walked in with a cheerful “Good Morning everyone!!!” Her coworkers were sweet and they all got along well. Most of it was because of their mutual dislike for Angela the owner and operator of the spa. The coworkers gleefully return the “good morning,” but all Angela said was “Hey LaTasha…Contessa had a family emergency and wont make it in so you have to cover her 10 o’clk appointment. Oh no, is everything alright, Latasha replied in a concerned tone? Sort of, Angela replied unbothered. Her dad has contracted the covid virus and needs meds and supplies, but otherwise he’s doing alright. LaTasha had met Contessa’s dad Warren, on several occasions and had grown quite fond of him. Though he was a fairly big guy in stature, she likened him to a cuddly teddy bear and wished him well. Then she asked Angela who was scheduled and she replied… Mrs. Kingsley! Ugh, not her LaTasha thought! She’s the epitome of the uppity clients who favored the spa. In her mind, Mrs. Kingsley’s attitude didn’t match her beautiful face and she’s clearly stressed since she comes in so often. As 10 o’clk approaches, LaTasha’s anxiety grows with each passing minute and the thought of her upcoming appointment. “Welcome back Mrs. Kingsley, Angela greeted her as her favorite client walks in. Hey Angela… how are you, how’s business as they exchange pleasantries? We’re doing well, but definitely worried about this growing virus and wondering if and will the government force us to shut down. We’ve already had a girl call off because her dad has contracted it, so LaTasha will be giving you your massage this morning. Oh wow, Mrs. Kingsley replied! Well I certainly hope all works out for you guys. Thanks hon, said Angela. Have a seat and I’ll go check if LaTasha is ready for you. Angela returns and escorts Mrs. Kingsley to her room where LaTasha has everything prepared for her. Hello Mrs. Kingsley, is there any place I need to give extra attention to, LaTasha asked? Mrs. Kingsley replied in typical condescending fashion; I signed up for the full body package…I’m feeling a bit stressed. No problem Mrs. Kingsley, we’ll work those kinks right out. As LaTasha starts her massage she wonders how can a woman this pretty be so worked up. She starts on her shoulders and feel knots and tension in both. Her back was smooth but cracked at almost every section she pressed on. Mrs. Kingsley surprisingly apologizes for the work she needs and even begins to open up a bit on why she’s so stressed. She tells LaTasha her husband has left her and the kids and she now has a mortgage she cant afford. Her job is threatening layoffs and she and her sister weren’t on speaking terms at the moment. As LaTasha gets to Mrs. Kingsley’s feet, she noticed she hadn’t had a pedicure in quite some time. She then begins to see Mrs. Kingsley in a totally different light. Ironically, her story read like the footnotes of her own life.
Sounds a bit bogus right? Selfish? Downright wrong on all levels, huh? Well, let me explain a little bit. You know the old saying “…if I could go back in time with the knowledge I have now…?” Yeah, well I just took it a step further and wanna go back with a little something extra. (I’ll also explain how the kids will be ok as well, so just let me have my moment, ok….cool)!
Now, I can just imagine how dope I would be if I had started writing poetry and songs in 6,7,8th grade like my daughter. No doubt I’d be an accomplished artist by 30yrs old! What if I had the bone and muscle density my 9yr old son has right now when I went out for my high school football team sophomore year. I was good enough to start at wide receiver but weighing 135lbs had me shook and I quit right before we started practicing with pads on. The lil dude can bench press 50lbs already! And dont even get me started on the leadership qualities my other daughter has… If I put them all together, I’d be captain of a professional sports team and writing monologues to share in the meetings I’m holding while presiding over the screen actors guild, during the off season of course!!!
My wonderful wife feels me too and doesn’t even know it… until til she reads this!!! Lol… RIGHT NOW she’s whining because her back hurts (yes, I did give her a lengthy massage… thank you) and she fears she’s gonna really hate getting old. Not that she’s vain and cares about the beauty that “so call fades,” it’s her fear of the body being succeptable to ailments. I bet she wants to steal our son’s solid lil muscles right now too; or better yet our daughter’s dancer body; or our other daughter’s metabolism! Put it all together for her and she’d be Debbie Allen’s choreographer and a strength and health coach when she’s not a practicing chiropractor!!!
NOW, image how dope our kids would be if me and my wife had ALL their skills first and early enough in life to have time to develop them!!! We’re in a good place now, don’t get me wrong… but, how much further could we possibly be?
Moral of the story… sometimes it’s best to be selfish, to take time to nurture your gifts and talents! If I steal my kids skills, I can give back AND pay it forward at the same damn time!!!
This Lent, I’ve decided to give up something not so tangible as social media as I’ve done in years past. I’m not giving up certain foods cuz I’m in the gym and I need my energy, protein, and necessary vitamins and minerals. And nope, I’m not giving up alcohol because frankly… I could use a drink as I write this right now. Don’t judge me either…hpmh!!! I AM GIVING UP PROCRASTINATION!!!
Yep, for far to long I leant on excuses as to why I haven’t taken the time to write. I lent my time to a host of other nonproductive things that cluttered my days like….lint! So, now, I’m committed to writing SOMETHING for at least 30-60mn everyday of Lent. Some will get posted, some wont… thanks for “Lent’ing” me your time.
This is a week late, but anywho… I wonder what would happen if I simply started to write. No direction, subject, aim, focus, target audience, or even a good spelling and grammar check… Wait, gotta get ready for work…be right back…………..
…………….Well that took hella long! I work outside and need to dress in layers which is a process I tell ya. It’s the coldest day (so far) of this winter season in the Chi… a brisk -4° to start the morning, warming to a balmy 7° this afternoon! And let’s not even get into the added windchill or the upcoming “colder” weekend. But, randomness aside, let’s get back to the first sentence. See, I haven’t blogged or written anything creative for that matter in (I cant believe it) a couple of years!!! WTF… Now, to my defense I did have a LOT of good shit happening in my life like getting married and starting a blended family (hardest thing I’ve ever done/doing in my life but I digress…for now, may be a good post for later), but still… 2 years yall, …RIDICULOUS!!! I have jotted some great ideas for posts, have some business ideas I need to put in motion but can never find the time to write. EXCUSES, BRO….EXCUSES!!! So, this post was simply to …try to write my way, out of my way, so I can write the way I really want to write!!! Yep, that’s it, that’s all… Peace yall, see ya (in print) soon. OH, and as always…
Last week, on a routine stop to deliver material I was greeted by a very inquisitive bee. As I pulled my pallet off my truck, he buzzed up to me to say “Hi!!!” I figured it had to be a formal greeting because he felt the need to look me right in the eye to do so. I politely waved hello back to him and kept working. After dropping the pallet off in the garage and returning back to the truck for the second, he was still buzzing around. He must have been quite interested in the material I was delivering, because this time he decided to drop in the 4×2 box to analyze it’s contents. No problem, I’m sure he could have been a little tired from all that flying around so I took him for a little ride. Thinking he was still in the box I placed next to the first pallet, I returned to the truck ready to drive a few feet into the yard where I needed to deliver some outside material. He obviously flew out the box at some point and decided to hang around the truck. Perhaps wanting to give me a hand with my work, he AGAIN buzzed up to greet me. Feeling a bit uneasy at his aggressive re-introduction, I did a slow jog…….OK, I ran back to the truck and got in, rolled the windows up, and proceeded into the yard……20+ feet away! Whew, he should be going about his business now, right? I mean, really who wants to follow a noisy, diesel fueled behemoth? If he had thumbs, he say “THIS GUUUUYYYY,” because there he was again…buzzing, greeting, and nosey as hell…
Insert nerdy fact checks here: Bees are attracted to bright colors and sweet smells. They think both are wonderful flowers ripe for pollination. You see beekeepers wearing all white because it’s the one color that does confuse them. Even dark colors are no deterrent for them, because they think they are predators and will act a bit more cautious or aggressive. They will then find their way to soft tissue spots like the neck and eyes where they can do the most harm. Smart little guys, huh?
Well, I was wearing a grey shirt and surely smelled like sweat and the muggy outside air so it couldn’t have been my scent. My truck is all white and had no movement to suggest it wanted to keep him. And the sweet smells from the grocery store adjacent to the garage was about 50 yards away! So, why did this little fellow feel the need to buzz around me for a half an hour? …..It surely felt that long!!!
I suppose Mr. Busy Bee has seen me there everyday and wants to get to know me…..or sting me in the eye but I digress. What a day, and I’ll return around the same time the next. When I did, I couldn’t help but wonder what he’s up to now.
Damn………Guess Who’s BZZZ-ack???
I want to be a writer. That’s too easy or general… I really love writing, especially when/if I write something that makes me laugh, think, or feel. Yes, I’m quite self entertained like that. So, like any other profession, skill, or craft you need some sort of schooling right? Well, I’ve seen some awesome, then misleading, then back to awesome information and advice on how to become a writer. I’ll come back to that in a second. First I want to share a gym story to help put things in perspective.
I’ve been working out fairly consistently for about 2yrs now and I’ve seen some pretty good results. However, when others see and acknowledge my gains the results are felt on a much deeper level. I never felt I needed a trainer to get the body I wanted, but I’m quick to ask a muscle head dude in the gym…”aye fam, what muscles are you working with that set you just did?” Perhaps they too feel great about their gains being acknowledged, because they are ALWAYS happy to give me an answer with “how to” instructions, motivational jargon, and even a diet to ensure I get the most out of this workout! I’ve sought-after advice from “extra swoll” dudes…”skinny cut dudes,” or “nutrition shirt wearing cats,” etc. and I take what advice I like, and discard the rest. Out of these 2yrs of gym data gathering, I just recently heard the best and only true advice there is, even though I had already seen a YouTube video I knew was the end all, be all of gym advice. And that is… You have to find out what your muscle fiber type is, first and foremost! You may have muscle fibers that require heavy weight with low reps to develop. Or, you may be like me…lighter weight, with lots of reps really give you a good workout. In all, what works for you, may not work for me.
Now, back to this “becoming a writer” advice… Just write: OK great, I agree! You HAVE to read…a lot: Eh, I sort of agree! Fuck a critic: Yes, but I do have feelings so that’s a work in progress! A writer has no rules, do it your own way: Absolute truth resonating with me! I found my own way in the gym, just like I found my way through all that writing advice. Some was good, some was bad…but all was me deciphering through it to find my muscle fiber type… right down to the muscles in my writing hand!!!