A Day On Venus

trip to venus

YES, I have finally figured women out!!! I have discovered Victoria’s secrets, I’ve opened Scarlet’s letter, can be Jane Eyre’s heir, (…wink, wink), and now I understand the Diaries of a Mad, Black Woman. I know why Beyoncé keeps her hot sauce in her bag (Swag!!!), why Ethel puts that shit (Frank Red Hot Sauce) on everything, and even how much Mrs. Butters(is)Worth!!!

When women are pregnant or are really happy, its often said they are glowing…like they are reflecting light or something. They have roots growing in them that have yet to be seen but are very much alive and need to be nourished. Her atmosphere is a bit different…she see’s more vividly, hears more clearly, and smells everything. That “woman’s intuition” is acute and on full display. And now I see why!!!

Is it just me, or do women look so damn good in the summer!!!??? I’m not saying  this simply because they’re wearing less clothes (…well maybe I am), but there’s so much more to it. She’s more colorful, playful, and flavorful. She wants to be outside basking in the sun, taking walks in the park, sight seeing, and shopping for attire to have her fashionable while she’s doing all of that. With that said, she may not want to do a lot of sweating and/or getting her hair wet but it’s something about that sun that makes her have some concessions…. And I know why!!!

Ever wonder why women constantly lie about their age; why it’s taboo to ask an older woman how old she is? It’s so ok for her to be “Forever 21” they have stores aptly named. Ever wonder why it takes her so long to get dressed? Ever wonder why they say “a woman has a right to change her mind,” and when she does it, she somehow gets you to just rotate with it…. Well, wonder no more…I have the answers!!!

Okay, so I don’t REALLY have the answers BUT, here are the facts! A day on Venus (you know, that planet women are from) lasts longer than a year on Venus! A planet’s day is the time it takes to spin once on it’s axis, and the year is how long the planet takes to orbit around the sun. It takes Venus 243 days to spin once on its axis, but only 224.65 days to orbit around the sun! And get this… it also rotates backwards!!!

So, in nerdy theory it makes sense why you take all day to get dressed. Your home planet is all day! You’re at your best when in the sun… you nurture your seeds, blossom into beautiful, colorful creatures for all to see, and you give off scents that attract all species. You probably really do forget your age. Your planet takes so long to rotate one time, I imagine the days begin to lump together. And I guess you really do have a right to change your mind since your planet rotates backwards. Still…as opposite as your planet is from mine, I cant wait to spend another day on Venus!

E.N.T.

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An iNERDpretation of Music

Perhaps its just me… (I tend to say that a lot), but I think I listen to music a little too analytical sometimes. At first, it was just the artist in me listening to the add libs, background voices, cadences et.al. I would then start singing those parts more than the actual lead lyrics. Then, because I’m the worlds best lip sync artist when in front of the mirror…I’d put on some great performances! Don’t judge me!!! lol… You should try self entertainment. It’s excellent therapy for maintaining a good mood! But, I think I’ve taken it a bit too far. See, I drive for a living so that provides “goo gobs” of time to listen to music and practice my craft so to speak. Most of the time I’m listening to my ipod, which I feel has the greatest collection of music ever! But, I also listen to the radio to stay abreast on the latest hot songs and trends. So, naturally I start analyzing the songs (and of course performing them) while I’m driving. Some songs make me think…Yo, WTF are you talking about?

For instance… When I first heard “F*ck Up Some Commas” by Future, I immediately thought, “why would you want to do that?” Now, I’m from the hood and of course I know he’s talking about money. So, when he says he f*cked up some commas I didn’t take it as a good thing! But, he means he’s getting so much money he has to change the place of the commas in his bank account! Man, that’s f*cked up, huh? 😉

When I was listening to R. Kelly’s “Don’t You Say No Tonight,” the first verse reads like an ode to chivalry! He talks of the wonderful things he does for his lady in an attempt to earn her love. But, the second verse comes off like “look woman, when is this stuff going to pay off?” By, the third verse he sounds ready to “take” his payoff! …just my opinion.

On a lighter note, Beyoncé’s “Love On Top” takes me back to the 1920’s and swing dancing! That little “da, da, da, duh-da, da, da, duh-da” at the beginning makes me put my index finger up and wave along with the rhythm. Again, do not judge me… I know I’m right on point with that comparison! 🙂

So, next time you’re listening to music, let it take your mind on the journeys your personal characteristics plots the courses on. I promise it’ll lead to discoveries and talents you never knew you had, open you up to the artist or dancer in you, and  help you to Embrace Nerdy Things!!!

E.N.T….always